«What happened to him?»
The woman replied, «My dog attacked and killed him.»
She inquired further, «Well, who is in the second hearse?»
The woman answered, «My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.»
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.
«Can I borrow the dog?»
«Get in line.»
Words and Expressions:
widow вдова
funeral похороны
procession процессия
nearby ближайший
cemetery кладбище
hearse катафалк
behind позади, сзади
solitary одинокая
mean дурной, злобный, угрожающий, низкий
leash собачий поводок
single один; единичный; одинокий
curiosity любопытство
respectfully уважительно
lossу трата, потеря
to disturb беспокоить
to inquire интересоваться, осведомляться
poignant острый, волнующий
thoughtful вдумчивый, полный размышлений
silence молчание, тишина
to borrow взять взаймы
line очередь
to walk a dog прогуливать собаку
mean-looking выглядящий злобно и угрожающе
single file в одну колонну
to stand sth выдерживать что-л., противостоять чему-л., справляться с чем-л.
to turn on sb переключиться на кого-л.
to get in line встать в очередьSection 37 Mommy, how old are you?
Eight-year-old little Mary and her mother are walking through the mall together one day. «Mommy,» says the little Mary, «how old are you?»
«Darling, you should never ask a woman what her age is.»
«Why not?» demands the child.
«Well, that is something you will understand one day when you\'re grown-up.»
«Mommy,» asks Mary again, «how much do you weigh?»
«Never mind,» answers the mother.
«Why can\'t you tell me?»
«Because grown-ups never talk about how much they weigh. This is something you will learn and understand someday.»
«Mommy,» insists the child, «can you tell me why you and Daddy got divorced?»
«Darling,» responds the mother in exasperation, «that\'s something still very painful for Mommy, and I really just can\'t talk about it now.»
A few days later, little Mary recounts this conversation to a friend at school. The friend explains how to overcome these problems.
«All you have to do is get your mother\'s driver\'s license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it. You just read it like a report card and it\'ll give you anything you need.»
So little Mary does as her friend recommended. That night she sneaks into her mother\'s room while her mom was cooking dinner. She rummages through her purse and finds the driver\'s license. After examining it carefully she walks up to her mother and says, «I know how old you are! You are 35!» The mother is very surprised. «And, I know how much you weigh. You weigh 136 pounds, right?» The mother is shocked. «And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.»
The mother, dumbfounded asked, «Why?»
«It\'s because you got an F in sex.»Words and Expressions:
mall торговый центр
Mommy ласк. мама
darling дорогой
age возраст
to demand спрашивать
grown-up взрослый
to weigh весить
someday как-нибудь; на днях
to insist настаивать
exasperation раздражение
painful болезненный
to recount вспоминать
conversation разговор
to overcome преодолевать
license лицензия
to recommend советовать, рекомендовать
to sneak подкрадываться, пробираться
to rummage шарить, рыться
purse кошелек, бумажник
to examine исследовать, осматривать
carefully внимательно, тщательно
to shock шокировать
F сокр . female обозначение пола в документах
F буквенный индекс низшей оценки за успеваемость в американских школах
sex пол; секс
Never mind! Забудь! Не обращай внимания!
driver\'s license водительские права
report card «личное дело», в школьной практике – табель, дневник
dumbfounded ошарашенныйSection 38 Jelly beans
There once was a little blonde girl who wore a dress to school every day and really loved jelly beans more than anything. The boys at her school decided to take full advantage of this and one day approached her and offered to give her a bag filled with 50 jelly beans if she would climb the schoolyard flagpole. She did and came back down so the boys gave her the jelly beans.
That day she came running home and yelled to her mom, «Mommy! Mommy! Today the boys at school gave me 50 jelly beans to climb the flagpole at school!»
The mother shook her head and replied, «Oh no! They just did that so they could see up your dress and see your panties! I don\'t want you to ever do this again!»
So the next day the boys offered her 100 jelly beans to climb the flagpole. She did, they gave her the jelly beans and she ran home again and said to her mother, «Mommy! Look! Today they gave me 100 jelly beans for climbing the flagpole!»
The mother got upset and told her, «They just did that so they could see your panties!!! Listen to me! I don\'t want you to ever let this happen again!»
So the next day the boys offered her 200 jelly beans to climb the flagpole. She did without haste and ran home again and shouted with a wide smile on her face, «Mommy! Look! I got 200 jelly beans to climb the flagpole today!»
The mother said, «What have I been telling you the past couple days?! They\'re just doing that to see your panties!»
The little girl replied still smiling widely, «I know! I know! But this time I tricked them! I didn\'t wear any!»
Words and Expressions:
blonde блондинка
to offer предлагать
to climb забираться
schoolyard школьный двор
flagpole флагшток
panties трусики
widely широко
to trick обманывать
jelly beans сорт конфет
without haste без спешкиSection 39 Grandpa and granddaughter
Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, «Did God make you, Grandpa?»
«Yes, God made me,» the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, «Did God make me too?»
«Yes, He did,» the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up. «You know, Grandpa,» she said, «God\'s doing a lot better job lately.»
Words and Expressions:
God Бог
reflection отражение
lately последнее времяSection 40 Gift from god
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
"Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00."
Words and Expressions:
to request просить, требовать
postal почтовый
authorities власти
to receive получать
President президент
to touch трогать (тж. перен. )
to amuse забавлять
to instruct инструктировать, делать распоряжения
however тем не менее, вместе с тем
Washington D.C. адрес почтового округа «Вашингтон, округ Колумбия»
bastard ублюдок
to deduct фин. вычитать
to want sth badly сильно хотеть чего-л.
to appear to be казаться
to be delighted быть обрадованным
a thank you note разг. письмо с благодарностью
for some reason по той или иной причине
as usual разг. как обычноSection 41 Learning to swear
A seven-year-old and his four-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The seven-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them learn to swear. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the seven-year-old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I\'ll say \'hell\' and you say \'ass\' ". The four-year-old happily agrees.
As the boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The seven-year-old replies, «Aw hell, mom, I\'ll just have some cornflakes.»
WHACK!
The seven-year-old runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind.
With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son,
«And what would YOU like for breakfast?»
«I don\'t know!» the four-year-old blubbers. «But you can bet your ass it\'s not gonna be cornflakes!»
Words and Expressions:
to swear