ругаться
enthusiastically с энтузиазмом
hell ад; черт!
cornflakes кукурузные хлопья
WHACK ! Бац!
to bawl громко вопить
to rub потирать
behind разг. зад
to blubber реветь
to bet биться об заклад, ставить на конSection 42 Career day at school
It\'s career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parents would do if they were here today.
Little Rodney stands up and says," My father is an accountant, A-C–C-O-U-N-T-A-N-T, and if he were here today, he would help you balance your checkbook."
«Good Rodney,» says the teacher. «How about you, Johnny?»
Johnny stands up and stammers, "My father is an electrician, E-L-E-K-T, no, no, E-L-E-C-K-T no … L-E-C-H-
no… "
The teacher interrupts, «Never mind, Johnny, sit down. How about you, Vinnie?»
Vinnie stands up and says, «My dad\'s a bookie, that\'s B-O-O-K-I-E, and if he were here today he\'d give you ten to one odds that there\'s no way Johnny\'s ever gonna spell electrician!»
Words and Expressions:
career карьера, профессия
to state утверждать, заявлять
occupation род занятий
to spell произносить по буквам
accountant бухгалтер
to balance фин. сводить счеты, выводить баланс
checkbook чековая книжка
to stammer заикаться, лепетать
electrician электрик
bookie разг . bookmaker букмейкер
odds разница, преимущество
he\'d give you ten to one odds он даст вам десять против одногоSection 43 Better grades
The little boy wasn\'t getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don\'t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don\'t get better grades… somebody is going to get a spanking… "
Words and Expressions:
to tap похлопать (по плечу)
shoulder плечо
to scare пугать
grade оценка, отметка
to spank шлепать
to get a spanking получить нахлобучку, шлепкиSection 44 Circumcised
Two five-year-old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, «Your thing doesn\'t have any skin on it!»
«Well, I\'ve been circumcised,» answered the other one. «Huh, what\'s that mean?» asked the first boy. «It means they cut the skin off the end,» said the second one. The first boy was very puzzled, «How old were you when it was cut off?»
The second boy replied, «My Mom said I was only two days old.»
«Wow, did it hurt?» the first boy wondered. The second boy responded without hesitation, «You bet it hurt… I couldn\'t walk for a year!»
Words and Expressions:
to circumcise мед. обрезать
potty сленг туалет, обычно детский
to pee разг. писать
skin кожа
hurt болеть, ранить, причинять боль
You bet it hurt… Бьюсь об заклад, болело…Section 45 Of little johnny
I. Teacher: Didn\'t you promise to behave?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn\'t I promise to punish you if you didn\'t?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn\'t have to keep yours.
II. Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Little Johnny: No, I\'m little Johnny.
III. Teacher: Little Johnny, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.
IV. Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn\'t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Little Johnny: Good, because I didn\'t do my homework.
V. Teacher: I hope I didn\'t see you looking at Don\'s paper.
Little Johnny: I hope you didn\'t either.
VI. Little Johnny: I don\'t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it\'s the lowest mark I can give you.
VII. Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Little Johnny: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don\'t know your arithmetic.
Little Johnny (sadly): You don\'t know my father.
Words and Expressions:
Johnny американский аналог русского Вовочки
to behave вести себя
to punish наказывать
since так как
to chew жевать
gum резина, каучук, резинка
chewing gum жевательная резинка
stupid глупый
to deserve заслуживать
zero ноль; низшая оценка
mark оценка, отметка
arithmetic арифметика
to break a promise нарушать обещание
to keep a promise сдержать обещаниеSection 46 Naming the baby
The proud young mother was discussing with her husband what they should call the new baby. «I\'ve made up my mind,» she declared firmly, «we\'ll call her Penelope.» The husband didn\'t like the name at all, but he decided to be subtle about it.
«That\'s a lovely name, dear,» he said. «The first girl I ever went out with was called Penelope and it will bring back pleasant memories.»
«I think we\'ll call her Mary, after my mother,» said the wife.
Words and Expressions:
subtle мягкий, вкрадчивый
lovely милый
pleasant приятный
memories воспоминания
to make up one\'s mind решать
to be subtle about sth не высказываться резко о чем-л.
to go out with ходить на свидание с (кем-л.)
to call sb after sb называть кого-л. в чью-л. честьSection 47 Twins
Once there were two twins at the age of eight who were completely opposite, one always had a good attitude and a positive outlook on life, the other was always negative and found something to whine about in everything.
When Christmas was around the corner that year their parents decided to try and balance out the brothers\' attitudes. For the negative son they bought a brand new bike. For the possitive son they went out to a farm and filled a box full of horse crap.
Christmas came and the parents watched their reactions. The negative son opened his gift first, finding the new bike. Immediately he began to complain, «It\'s too cold out to ride a bike, I don\'t even know how to ride one, I hate this gift!»
Just then the possitive son started to open his gift. With his parents watching, he pulled back the flaps on the box and peered in at its contents. He stood silent for a moment and then shouted excitedly, " There\'s gotta be a horse around Here somewhere!!!"
Words and Expressions:
once однажды
twins близнецы
completely полностью
opposite противоположный
attitude отношение (к жизни), взгляд (на жизнь)
positive позитивный, оптимистичный
outlook мировоззрение
negative негативный, пессимистичный
to whine скулить, хныкать
around the corner за углом, на подходе
a brand new bike новехонький, с иголочки велосипед
horse crap лошадиный навоз
gift подарок
to complain жаловаться
to hate ненавидеть
flaps (у коробки ) створки крышки
to peer заглядывать
contents содержимое, содержание
excited возбужденный
there\'s gotta be a horse around разг . there has got to be a horse
around здесь поблизости где-то должна быть лошадьSection 48 Glass of water
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Da-ad… " «What?»
«I\'m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?» «No. You had your chance. Lights out!» Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad… " «WHAT?»
«I\'m THIRSTY… Can I have a drink of water?»
«I told you NO! If you ask again I\'ll have to spank you!»
Five minutes later…
«WHAT?!»
«When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?»
Words and Expressions:
thirsty испытывающий жажду
a drink of water немного воды
to have one\'s chance иметь шанс
Lights out! Свет гаси!Section 49 The christmas pet
A man wanted to buy a new pet for a Christmas present, so he went to the pet shop and asked the shop clerk what he would recommend. «Well,» the clerk said, pointing out a large bird, «we have this parrot here, and he not only talks, he sings. I\'ll show you.» The clerk then lit a match and held it under the parrot\'s right foot. Immediately, the bird began singing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way… "
«That\'s amazing,» the customer said. «What does he sing when you hold a match under his left foot?»
The clerk immediately lit a match and held it under the bird\'s left foot. The bird quickly started singing, "I\'ll have a blue, blue Christmas, without you… "
The customer couldn\'t believe what he heard. Finally he asked, «What does he do when you hold the match between his feet?»
The clerk lit a match and held it there. The bird hesitated a moment, then began singing, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire… "Words and Expressions: