«Four waiters joined in…»
Words and Expressions:
to walk идти, передвигаться пешком
neighborhood соседство; соседний
to announce объявлять
bartender бармен
fancyзд. модный
restaurant ресторан
to order заказывать c
hampagne шампанское
toast тост
wrong неправильный, плохой; неправильно, плохо
waiter официант
to join in присоединяться
Section 34Loyal wife
Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, «You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!»
Words and Expressions:
loyalзд. верный
to slip скользить, выскальзывать
comaмед. кома
bedside место у кровати
to come to приходить в себя
to motion знаком подзывать
to support поддерживать
to fail ослабевать, сдавать
luck успех, везение
every single day каждый божий день
to get fired быть уволенным
to get shot быть раненым или убитым из огнестрельного оружия
bad luck невезение
Section 35What to do when your wife Goes overboard
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: «Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . . please advise.»
The old man faxed back: «Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.»
Words and Expressions:
stormy штормовой
wave волна
to search искать
shore берег
promise обещание
to notify известить
fax факс
to haul вытаскивать сетью
deck палуба
to attach прицеплять, присоединять
butt ягодицы
oyster устрица
pearl жемчужина
to adviseзд. извещать, предписывать
to re-bait (от bait наживлять, заряжать насадкой) перезаряжать, наживлять заново
trap ловушка
to wash overboard смывать за борт
It read в ней говорилось
worth $50,000 стоимостью в 50 тысяч долларов
to fax back ответить по факсу
Section 36A widow
A woman was leaving a cafe after her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a very mean-looking dog on a leash. Behind that were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, «I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?»
The woman replied, «Well, that first hearse is for my husband.»
«What happened to him?»
The woman replied, «My dog attacked and killed him.»
She inquired further, «Well, who is in the second hearse?»
The woman answered, «My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.»
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.
«Can I borrow the dog?»
«Get in line.»
Words and Expressions:
widow вдова
funeral похороны
procession процессия
nearby ближайший
cemetery кладбище
hearse катафалк
behind позади, сзади
solitary одинокая
mean дурной, злобный, угрожающий, низкий
leash собачий поводок
single один; единичный; одинокий
curiosity любопытство
respectfully уважительно
lossу трата, потеря
to disturb беспокоить
to inquire интересоваться, осведомляться
poignant острый, волнующий
thoughtful вдумчивый, полный размышлений
silence молчание, тишина
to borrow взять взаймы
line очередь
to walk a dog прогуливать собаку
mean-looking выглядящий злобно и угрожающе
single file в одну колонну
to stand sth выдерживать что-л., противостоять чему-л., справляться с чем-л.
to turn on sb переключиться на кого-л.
to get in line встать в очередь
Section 37Mommy, how old are you?
Eight-year-old little Mary and her mother are walking through the mall together one day. «Mommy,» says the little Mary, «how old are you?»
«Darling, you should never ask a woman what her age is.»
«Why not?» demands the child.
«Well, that is something you will understand one day when you're grown-up.»
«Mommy,» asks Mary again, «how much do you weigh?»
«Never mind,» answers the mother.
«Why can't you tell me?»
«Because grown-ups never talk about how much they weigh. This is something you will learn and understand someday.»
«Mommy,» insists the child, «can you tell me why you and Daddy got divorced?»
«Darling,» responds the mother in exasperation, «that's something still very painful for Mommy, and I really just can't talk about it now.»
A few days later, little Mary recounts this conversation to a friend at school. The friend explains how to overcome these problems.
«All you have to do is get your mother's driver's license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it. You just read it like a report card and it'll give you anything you need.»
So little Mary does as her friend recommended. That night she sneaks into her mother's room while her mom was cooking dinner. She rummages through her purse and finds the driver's license. After examining it carefully she walks up to her mother and says, «I know how old you are! You are 35!» The mother is very surprised. «And, I know how much you weigh. You weigh 136 pounds, right?» The mother is shocked. «And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.»
The mother, dumbfounded asked, «Why?»
«It's because you got an F in sex.»
Words and Expressions:
mall торговый центр
Mommyласк. мама
darling дорогой
age возраст
to demand спрашивать
grown-up взрослый
to weigh весить
someday как-нибудь; на днях
to insist настаивать
exasperation раздражение
painful болезненный
to recount вспоминать
conversation разговор
to overcome преодолевать
license лицензия
to recommend советовать, рекомендовать
to sneak подкрадываться, пробираться
to rummage шарить, рыться
purse кошелек, бумажник
to examine исследовать, осматривать
carefully внимательно, тщательно
to shock шокировать
Fсокр.female обозначение пола в документах
F буквенный индекс низшей оценки за успеваемость в американских школах
sex пол; секс
Never mind! Забудь! Не обращай внимания!
driver's license водительские права
report card «личное дело», в школьной практике – табель, дневник
dumbfounded ошарашенный
Section 38Jelly beans
There once was a little blonde girl who wore a dress to school every day and really loved jelly beans more than anything. The boys at her school decided to take full advantage of this and one day approached her and offered to give her a bag filled with 50 jelly beans if she would climb the schoolyard flagpole. She did and came back down so the boys gave her the jelly beans.
That day she came running home and yelled to her mom, «Mommy! Mommy! Today the boys at school gave me 50 jelly beans to climb the flagpole at school!»
The mother shook her head and replied, «Oh no! They just did that so they could see up your dress and see your panties! I don't want you to ever do this again!»
So the next day the boys offered her 100 jelly beans to climb the flagpole. She did, they gave her the jelly beans and she ran home again and said to her mother, «Mommy! Look! Today they gave me 100 jelly beans for climbing the flagpole!»
The mother got upset and told her, «They just did that so they could see your panties!!! Listen to me! I don't want you to ever let this happen again!»
So the next day the boys offered her 200 jelly beans to climb the flagpole. She did without haste and ran home again and shouted with a wide smile on her face, «Mommy! Look! I got 200 jelly beans to climb the flagpole today!»