Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы — страница 51 из 56

What does the cat do after a minute or two?

Where does the cat return after a minute or two? When does the cat return to its cage?

Section 4:

2.  1. The audience would be different each week.

2. The magician allowed himself to do the same tricks.

3. Once the parrot understood he started shouting.

4. Look, he is hiding the flowers.

5. The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.

6. One day the ship had an accident and sank.

7. They stared at each other with hate.


3.  1-B, 2-F, 3-D, 4-C, 5-E, 6-A.


4.  1-D, 2-H, 3-Е, 4-C, 5-1, 6-G, 7-A, 8-F, 9-B.


5.  1. There was only one problem.

2. The parrot began to understand how the magician did his tricks.

3. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show.

4. Look, he is hiding the flowers in the hat.

5. The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.

6. After all, it was the captain's parrot.

7. This went on for a day, and another and another.


6.  1. When the magician worked on a cruise ship he allowed himself to do one and the same trick over and over again.

2. The magician was hiding the flowers under the table while he was doing his tricks.

3. There was only one problem yesterday.

4. There were three problems yesterday.

5. As soon as the captain had seen the show he started shouting at the magician.

6. He was shouting all day long.

7. After the ship had sunk the magician found himself on a log of wood.

8. When a week had passed, the parrot said that he was giving up.


7. 1. Who was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean?

What was the magician doing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean?

Where was the magician working?

2. Who began to understand how the magician did every trick?

What did the captain's parrot begin to understand?

Whose parrot began to understand how the magician did every trick?

3. Who started shouting in the middle of the show?

What did he start doing in the middle of the show?

When did he start shouting?

4. Who is hiding the flowers under the table?

What is he hiding under the table?

Where is he hiding the flowers?

5. Who found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot?

Where did the magician find himself with the parrot?

Where was the piece of wood the magician found himself on? Who did the magician find himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with?

Section 5:

2.  1. That's terrible!

2. I have a solution to your problem.

3. Bring your parrots over to my house.

4. I have taught my parrots to pray and read the Bible.

5. The lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

6. The male parrots are holding rosary beads.

7. «Do you want to have some fun?»

8. One male parrot looks over to the other and says, «Put the Bible away.»


3.  True: 3, 5, 7. False: 1, 2, 4, 6.


4.  1-Е, 2-C, 3-H, 4-D, 5-B, 6-G, 7-A, 8-F.

5.  1. One lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have

a problem."

2. They only know how to say «Hi!»

3. «That's terrible!» the priest exclaimed.

4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying those terrible things.

5. Put the Bible away.

6. Our prayer has been answered.


6.  1. The lady will visit the priest next Tuesday.

2. These parrots will never say such things again.

3. The priest's two male talking parrots will be praying and reading the Bible from six till seven tomorrow.

4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

5. They will have taught them to pray and worship by next Sunday.

6. «I will solve your problem,» the priest said, «if you bring your parrots over to my house.»

7. Tell me, when you will bring your parrots.


7.  1. Who will buy these two talking female parrots?

What will I do? What will I buy?

What parrots will I buy?

2. Who will have a solution to your problem?

What will I have?

Whose problem will I have a solution to?

3. Who will put them with my two male talking parrots?

What will I do?

Who will I put them with?

4. Who will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase?

Whose parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase?

What will my parrots do?

What will my parrots teach your parrots?

What phrase will my parrots teach your parrots to stop saying?

5. Who will learn to pray and worship?

Whose parrots will learn to pray and worship?

What will your female parrots do?

What will your female parrots learn to do?


8. 1. One lady approaches a priest.

2. Father, I have a problem.

3. I have these two talking female parrots.

4. "What do they say?' the priest asked.

5. Do you want to have some fun?

6. I have a solution to your problem.

7. Thank you, Father!

8. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads.

Section 6:

2.  1. There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.

2. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population.

3. Young George was pretty excited.

4. George, relax.

5. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough.

6. Feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up.

7. Now, George, here is how this is gonna work.

8. One more important thing to remember.

9. He remembers Sam's instructions about being polite.


3.  1-A, 2-C, 3-F, 4-B, 5-E, 6-D.


4.  1-D, 2-F, 3-C, 4-H, 5-G, 6-A, 7-1, 8-J, 9-B, 10-Е.


5.  1. Young George was pretty excited.

2. Feeding time came.

3. Sam had a few more instructions.

4. Here is how this is gonna work.

5. We'll meet in the middle.

6. Hang on, George! One more important thing to remember.

7. Show them some respect and be polite.


6.  1. How many bulls were there on the farm?

2. It was that time of year when bulls were pretty excited.

3. It was the heifers that were lined up at the feed trough.

4. There was a bull and some heifers there.

5. There is one more important thing to remember.

6. It was spring and the bulls were pretty excited.

7. It was George who well remembered Sam's instructions about being polite.


7.  1. Two bulls wanted to satisfy all the local female population last year.

2. Sam went down to those heifers over there yesterday.

3. We will wait until they're lined up at the feed trough.

4. We will have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion in five minutes.

5. Feeding time has just come. Line up!

6. Sam started at one end, and George started at the other.

7. We will meet very soon. You'll have to wait a little.

8. Are you showing respect to these ladies?


8.  1. population,

2. trough,

3. satisfy,

4. relax,

5. feeding,

6. respect,

7. female,

8. exclaim,

9. allow,

10. pray.

Section 7:

2.  1. A farmer got a good deal on a dozen pigs.

2. When he got them home he realized they were all females.

3. He wanted to bring his girl pigs over to the neighbor's boy pigs so they could get some baby pigs.

4. The farmer loaded the girl pigs in his truck.

5. That night he went back to pick them up.

6. They would start acting real different.

7. Next morning he went and checked his pigs.


3. true: 2, 5. false: 1, 3, 4, 6.


4. 1-a, 2-c, 3-j, 4-e, 5-1, 6-d, 7-k, 8-l, 9-f, 10-h, 11-g, 12-b.


5. 1. He talked to his neighbor to see if he could bring his pigs over to his place.

2. The neighbor agreed and so the farmer loaded the pigs in the truck.

3. The same night he went back to pick them up.

4. How will I know if they are going to have little pigs?

5. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting different.

6. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn.


6.  1. What you say about your boy pigs sounds really good.

2. The neighbor happily agreed and so the farmer quickly loaded his pigs in the truck.

3. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting different.

4. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn rather loudly.

5. The farmer could hardly get his girl pigs home – so happy they were.


7. 1. Who got a good deal on a dozen pigs at an auction?

What did the farmer get at an auction?

How many pigs did the farmer get a good deal on at an auction?

Where did the farmer get a good deal on a dozen pigs?

2. Who loaded the girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs?

What did the farmer do?

Who did the farmer load in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs?

Where did the farmer load the girl pigs to visit the neighbor's pigs?

Who did the farmer visit?

3. Who said that they would start acting real different?

What would they start doing?

How would they start acting?

Who would start acting real different?

4. When did he go to check his pigs?

Who went to check his pigs the next morning?

Who did he go to check the next morning?

When did he go to check his pigs?

5. Who was sitting at the table the next morning?

Where was he sitting the next morning?