One that's just like your mother?"
Benny shrugs his shoulders (пожимает плечами), "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start (маме она понравилась с самого начала) and they have become good friends (и они стали хорошими друзьями = подружились)."
"So, do I owe (должен /пожелать/) you a Mazel Tov? (счастья — идиш) Are you and this girl engaged? (вы помолвлены)"
"I'm afraid not (к сожалению нет: «боюсь, что нет»). My father can't stand her! (мой отец терпеть ее не может)"
Benny is almost 32 years old. All his friends are now married, but Benny just dates and dates.
Finally, his friend asks him, "What's the matter, Benny? Are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you really that fussy? Surely you can find someone who suits you?"
"No I just can’t," Benny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "why don't you find a girl who's just like your mother?"
Many weeks go by and again Benny and his friend get together.
"So, have you found the perfect girl? One that's just like your mother?"
Benny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start and they have become good friends."
"So, do I owe you a Mazel Tov? Are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I'm afraid not. My father can't stand her!"
What's the matter?
Are you really that fussy?
Surely you can find someone who suits you.
So I keep on looking.
They have become good friends.
I'm afraid not.
I can't stand him!
A guy goes into confession (один «парень» идет на исповедь) and says to the priest (и говорит священнику), "Father, I'm 80 years old, married (женат), have four kids (у меня четыре ребенка) and 11 grandchildren (внуков), and last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls (а прошлой ночью у меня было свидание с двумя восемнадцатилетними девушками; affair — связь). I made love with both of them (я занимался любовью с обеими) twice (дважды)."
The priest said: "Well, my son (сын мой), when was the last time you were in confession? (когда последний раз вы были на исповеди)"
"Never Father (никогда, отец), I'm Jewish (я еврей)."
"So then (ну тогда), why are you telling me? (зачем вы мне /это/ рассказываете)"
"I'm telling everybody (/а/ я всем: «каждому» рассказываю)."
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love with both of them twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody."
http://www.franklang.ru