Сноски
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Думай, прежде чем наносить чернила. – Примеч. ред.
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Джип и Яннеке – популярные герои серии детских книг, написанных нидерландской писательницей Анни Шмидт. – Примеч. ред.
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Абсентеизм – это все случаи отсутствия сотрудника на работе, в том числе по уважительной причине, например из-за больничного или отпуска. – Примеч. ред.
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Leary M.R. (2015). Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 17(4), 435–441. doi: 10.31887/DCns.2015.17.4/mleary. PMID: 26869844; PMCID: PMC4734881.
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Kross E., et al. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275. doi:10.1073/pnas.1102693108.
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DeWall C.N., et al. (2010). Acetaminophen reduces social pain: behavioral and neural evidence. Psychological Science, 21(7), 931–937. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797610374741.
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Санта-Клаус в Нидерландах и Бельгии. – Примеч. ред.
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Mullainathan S., Shafir E. (2013). Scarcity: Why Having Too Little Means So Much. Picador.
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Fear of Missing Out, сокр. FOMO – боязнь пропустить интересное, или синдром упущенной выгоды. Состояние, когда человек тревожится, что в этот конкретный момент где-то происходит нечто важное, захватывающее и полезное, о чем ему неизвестно. Развитие социальных сетей ощутимо усугубляет этот синдром. – Примеч. ред.
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Hall J.A., Coats E.J., & LeBeau L.S. (2005). Nonverbal Behavior and the Vertical Dimension of Social Relations: A Meta-Analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 898–924. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.131.6.898.
Piff P.K., Stancato D.M., Cote S., Mendoza-Denton R. & Keltner D. (2012). Higher social class predicts increased unethical behavior. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 109(11), 4086–91. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1118373109.
Lammers J., Stapel D.A., Galinsky A.D. (2010) Power increases hypocrisy: moralizing in reasoning, immorality in behavior. Psychological Science, 21, 737–744. doi:10.1177/0956797610368810.
Keltner D., Gruenfeld D.H. & Anderson C. (2003). Power, approach, and inhibition. Psychological Review, 110(2), 265–284. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X. 110.2.265.
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На данный момент перевод этого термина на русский отсутствует. – Примеч. ред.
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Savitsky K., Epley N. & Gilovich T. (2001). Do others judge us as harshly as we think Overestimating the impact of our failures, shortcomings, and mishaps. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(1), 44–56.
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Pourjali F. & Zarnaghash M. (2010). Relationships between assertiveness and the power of saying no with mental health among undergraduate students. Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences, 9, 137–141. 10.1016/j.sbspro.2010.12.126.
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Wrosch C. & Renaud J. (2011). Self-regulation of bitterness across the lifespan. in: M. Linden & A. Maercker (red.), Embitterment: societal, psychological, and clinical perspectives, 129–141. Springer-Verlag Publishing/Springer Bature. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-211-99741-3_10.
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Pluut H. & Wonders J. (2020). Not Able to Lead a Healthy Life When You need It the Most: Dual Role of Lifestyle behaviors in the Association of blurred Work-Life boundaries With Well-being. Frontiers in Psychology, 23(110), 607294. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.607294. PMID: 33424717; PMCID: PMC7786197.
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Kaufman S.B. & Jauk E. (2020). Healthy selfishness and pathological altruism: measuring two paradoxical forms of selfishness. Frontiers in Psychology, 21(11), 1006. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01006. PMID: 32528378; PMCID: PMC7265883.
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Black A.W. & Ravichander A. (2018). An empirical study of self-disclosure in spoken dialogue systems. Proceedings of the 19th Annual SIGdial Meeting on Discourse and Dialogue, 253–263. Association for Computational Linguistics.
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Это тон… (фр.) – Примеч. ред.
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Newberg A.B. & Waltman M.R. (2014). Words can change your brain. Penguin.
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На данный момент перевод книги на русский язык отсутствует, на английском ее название звучит как You Have More Influence Than You Think. – Примеч. ред.
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Roghanizad M.M. & Bohns V.K. (2017). Ask in person: You’re less persuasive than you think over email. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 69, 223–226. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2016.10.002.
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Buchanan T.W., Laures-Gore J.S. & Duff M.C. (2014). Acute stress reduces speech fluency. Biological Psychology, 97(9), 137–141.
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На данный момент перевод книги на русский язык отсутствует, на английском ее название звучит как The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say it and Mean it – and Stop People-Pleasing Forever. – Примеч. ред.
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Hanson R. (2016). Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. Harmony books.
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Giurge L. & Bohns V. (2021). You don’t need to answer right away! Receivers overestimate how quickly senders expect responses to non-urgent work emails. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 167. 114–128. 10.1016/j.obhdp.2021.08.002.
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Citaatuit: Lamott A. (2005). Further Thoughts on Faith. Penguin.
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Saxe L. (1991). Lying: Thoughts of an applied social psychologist. American Psychologist, 46(4), 409–415. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.46.4.409.
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Iñiguez G., Govezensky T., Dunbar R., Kaski K. & Barrio R.A. (2014). Effects of deception in social networks. Working paper Harvard Business School. https://doi.org/10.1098/rspb.2014.1195.
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Donnelly G.E., Wilson A.V., Whillans A.V. & Norton M.I. (2021). Communicating resource scarcity and interpersonal connection. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 31 (4).
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Концепция ненасильственного общения, разработанная американским психологом Маршаллом Розенбергом, основана именно на этом. Прекрасный метод с несколько иносказательным названием (как мне кажется), который фокусируется на том, чтобы донести до собеседника информацию о своих нуждах, а не создать у него впечатление, что с ним что-то не так.
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Patrick V.M. & Hagtvedt H. (2012). “I Don’t” versus “I Can’t”: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed behavior. Journal of Consumer Research, 39(2), 371–381. https://doi.org/10.1086/663212.
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Bowles H.R. & Babcock L. (2013). How Can Women Escape the Compensation Negotiation Dilemma? Relational Accounts Are One Answer. Psychology of Women Quarterly 37(1), 80–96. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684312455524.
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Смешивайте и сочетайте. – Примеч. ред.
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На с. 162 вы прочитаете о том, как применять технику отражения (одну из пяти техник «золотой границы»).
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Wubben M.J., Cremer D.D. & Dijk E. van. (2009). How emotion communication guides reciprocity: establishing cooperation through disappointment and anger. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 45(4), 987–990.
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Нидерландский политик, член Палаты представителей. – Примеч. ред.
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Tannen D. (2021, 25 September). In real life, not all interruptions are rude. The New York Times.
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Briggs C.Q., Gardner D.M. & Ryan A.M. (2023). Competence-Questioning Communication and Gender: Exploring Mansplaining, Ignoring, and Interruption behaviors. Journal of Business and Psychology, 1–29. doi: 10.1007/s10869-022-09871-7.
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Struiksma M., Mulder H. de & Berkum J. van. (2022). Do people get used to insulting language? Frontiers in Communication, 7, 1–21. 910023. 10.3389/fcomm.2022.910023.
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Crosby J.R. & Wilson J. (2015). Let’s not, and say we would: imagined and actual responses to witnessing homophobia. Journal of Homosexuality, 62(7), 957–970. doi:10.1080/00918369.20151008284. Epub 2015 Jan 20. PMID: 25603471.
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Woodzicka J.A. & LaFrance M. (2001). Real Versus Imagined Gender Harassment. Journal of Social Issues, 57(1), 15–30. https://doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00199.
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Deels ontleend aan: Sanderson C.A. (2020). Why We Act. Turning Bystanders into Moral Rebels. Belknap Press.
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Sah S., Loewenstein G. & Cain D. (2019). Insinuation Anxiety: concern that advice rejection will signal distrust after conflict of interest disclosures. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(7), 1099–1112.
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Schotland R.L. & Straw M.K. (1976). Bystander response to an assault: when a man attacks a woman. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 34(5), 990–999.
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Shamir J. & Shamir M. (1997). Pluralistic Ignorance Across Issues and Over Time: Information Cues and biases. The Public Opinion Quarterly, 61 (2), 227–260, Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1086/297794.
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Bond M.H. & Venus C.K. (1991). Resistance to group or personal insults in an ingroup or outgroup context. International Journal of Psychology, 26:1, 83–94.
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McVittie C., Sambaraju R. & Bain F. (2020). ‘I love James blunt as much as I love herpes’ – ‘I love that you’re not ashamed to admit you have both’: Attempted insults and responses on Twitter. Language & Communication, 76, 22–34.
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Sezer O., Prinsloo E., Brooks A. & Norton M. (2019). Backhanded Compliments: How Negative Comparisons Undermine Flattery. Interpersonal Communication eJournal.
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Zijp D. (2021, 13 juli). Laten we stoppen met die morele paniek over humor. de Volkskrant.
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Ford T.E. & Ferguson M.A. (2004). Social Consequences of Disparagement Humor: A Prejudiced norm Theory. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 8(1), 79–94.
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Ford T.E., Boxer C., Armstrong J. & Edel J. (2008). More Than ‘Just a Joke’: The Prejudice-Releasing Function of sexist Humor. Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 34, 159–170. 10.1177/0146167207310022.
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Martinez L.R., Hebl M.R., Smith N.A. & Sabat I.E. (2017). Standing up and speaking out against prejudice toward gay men in the workplace. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 103 (Part A), 71–85.
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Rock D. (2009). Your brain at work: strategies for overcoming distraction, regaining focus, and working smarter all day long. Harper Business.
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Mehrabian A. & Ferris S.R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 31(3), 248–252.
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Siegman A.W., Anderson R.A. & Berger T. (1990). The angry voice: its effects on the experience of anger and cardiovascular reactivity. Psychosomatic Medicine, 52(6), 631–643.
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Aucouturier J., Johansson P. & Hall L. (2016). Covert digital manipulation of vocal emotion alter speakers’ emotional states in a congruent direction. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 113(4), 948–953.
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Klofstad C.A., Anderson R.C. & Peters S. (2012). Sounds like a winner: Voice pitch influences perception of leadership capacity in both men and women. Proceedings of the Royal Society B, 297, 2698–2704.
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O’Connor J. & Barclay P. (2017). The influence of voice pitch on perceptions of trustworthiness across social contexts. Evolution and Human Behavior, 38. 10.1016/j. evolhumbehav.2017.03.001.
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Walmsley J., & O’Madagain C. (2020). The Worst-Motive Fallacy: A negativity bias in Motive Attribution. Psychological Science, 31(11), 1430–1438. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797620954492.
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Jasielska D., Rogoza R., Russa M.B., Park J., & Zajenkowska A. (2021). Happiness and hostile attributions in a cross-cultural context: The importance of interdependence. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 22(1), 163–179.
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Robson D. (2022). The expectation effect: how your mindset can change your world. New York, Henry Holt and Company.
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Ochsner K.N. & Gross J.J. (2008). Cognitive emotion regulation: insights from social cognitive and affective neuroscience. Currents Directions in Psychological Science, 17(2), 153–158. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-8721.2008.00566.x. PMID: 25425765; PMCID: PMC4241349.
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Притворяйся до тех пор, пока не получится сделать это на самом деле. – Примеч. ред.
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Джон Кабат-Зинн.
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Карин де Галан – эксперт в области подготовки тренеров. Она основала Школу тренинга, где она и ее команда (в которую я тоже входила некоторое время) готовят тренеров. Они обучают своих участников технике «золотого резюме», когда тем нужно обратиться к участнику тренинга, например к человеку, который постоянно разговаривает по телефону.
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Boothby E.J. & Bohns V.K. (2021). Why a simple act of kindness is not as simple as it seems: underestimating the positive impact of our compliments on others. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(5), 826–840.
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Newark D., Flynn F.J. & Bohns V.K. (2014). Once bitten, twice shy: the effect of a past refusal on expectations of future compliance. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5, 218–225.
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Humeny C.(2013). A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. Conference paper: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.
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Craig A.D. (2002). How do you feel? Interoception: the sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 3(8), 655–666. doi: 10.1038/nrn894. PMID: 12154366.
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Интероцепция – способность тела чувствовать и интерпретировать внутренние сигналы. – Примеч. ред.
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Khalsa S.S., Adolphs R., Cameron O.G., Critchley H.D., Davenport P.W., Feinstein J.S. & Zucker N. (2018). Interoception and mental health: a roadmap. Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging, 3(6), 501–513.
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Feldman M., MacCormack J., Bonar A.S. & Lindquist K.A. (2023). Interoceptive ability moderates the effect of physiological reactivity on social judgment. Emotion, online voorpublicatie. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0001210.
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Настольная игра наподобие кроссворда с расположенным в центре полем. У игроков есть несколько букв, которые нужно использовать, чтобы составлять слова, продолжая чужие комбинации. Российский аналог – игра «Эрудит». – Примеч. ред.
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Piazza J.R., Charles S.T., Sliwinski M.J., Mogle J. & Almeida D.M. (2013). Affective reactivity to daily stressors and long-term risk of reporting a chronic physical health Iets condition. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 45(1), 110–120, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12160-012-9423-0 Vanderbilt University. (24 April 2011.) New insight into impulse control. Science Daily.
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Если вы хотите углубиться в эту тему, в интернете есть множество списков ценностей и упражнений. Например, у Брене Браун есть полезное бесплатное упражнение по ценностям, у Марка Мэнсона (того самого, написавшего «Тонкое искусство пофигизма») есть коллекция ценностей с руководством, у Сьюзен Дэвид вы также найдете полезное упражнение и тест, а у Маршалла Розенберга – набор потребностей для вдохновения.
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Или я засранец? – Примеч. ред.
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Goldstein M.R., Lewin R.K. & Allen J.J. B. (2020). Improvements in well-being and cardiac metrics of stress following a yogic breathing workshop: Randomized controlled trial with active comparison. Journal of American College Health, 70(3), 918–928. doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2020.1781867. Zaccaro A., Piarulli A., Laurino M., Garbella E., Menicucci D., Neri B. & Gemignani A. (2018). How Breath-Control Can Change Your Life: A Systematic Review on Psycho-Physiological Correlates of slow breathing. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 12:353. doi: 10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353.
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Testa M., Wang W., Derrick J.L., Crane C., Leonard K.E., Collins R.L., Hanny C. & Muraven M. (2020). Does state self-control depletion predict relationship functioning and partner aggression? An ecological momentary assessment study of community couples. Aggressive Behavior, 46(6), 547–558. doi: 10.1002/ab.21915. Epub 2020 Jul 11. PMID: 32654252; PMCID: PMC7554249.
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Lieberman M.D., Eisenberger N.I., Crockett M.J., Tom S.M., Pfeifer J.H. & Way B.M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
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Ford B.Q., Lam P., John O.P. & Mauss I.B. (2017/2018). The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: Laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(6), 1075–1092. doi: 10.1037/pspp0000157. PMID: 28703602; PMCID: PMC5767148.
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Neff K.D. (2023). Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74, 193–217.
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Если бы рядом присутствовал независимый доброжелатель, как бы он обрисовал ситуацию?
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Elliot A.J. & Friedman R. (2007). Approach-avoidance: A central characteristic of personal goals. In: B.R. Little, K. Salmela-Aro, & S.D. Phillips (red.). Personal project pursuit: Goals, actions, and human flourishing, 97–118. Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers.
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Day M.V. & Bobocel D.R. (2013). The weight of a guilty conscience: subjective body weight as an embodiment of guilt. PloS ONE, 8(7), e69546.
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Вина и стыд часто упоминаются в одном контексте, но, как правило, вина связана с поведением (я не пошел к маме), а стыд – с собственной личностью (я плохой сын).
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Moseley G.L. (2007). Reconceptualising pain according to modern pain science. Physical Therapy Reviews, 12, 169–178.
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Brown B. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society-The Journal of Contemporary Social Services, 87(1), 43–52.
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Sirois S., Fuschia E. & Bögels L.M. (2018). Self-compassion reduces guilt and shame in response to challenging parenting events. Journal of Psychology, 153(3), 327–341. doi:10.1080/00223980.2018.1523123.
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Brooks A.W., Dai H. & Schweitzer M.E. (2014). I’m sorry about the rain! Superfluous apologies demonstrate empathic concern and increase trust. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(4), 467–474.
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Skarlicki D., Folger R. & Gee J. (2006). When social accounts backfire: The exacerbating effects of a polite message or an apology on reactions to an unfair outcome. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 34, 322–341.
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Okimoto T., Wenzel M. & Hedrick K. (2013). Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefits (and we issue no mea culpa for this research finding). European Journal of Social Psychology, 43(1), 22–31. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.1901.
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Freedman G., Burgoon E.M., Ferrell J.D., Pennebaker J.W., & Beer J.S. (2017). When saying sorry may not help: the impact of apologies on social rejections. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 1375. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01375.
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Brown P. & Levinson S.C. (1987). Politeness: Some universals in language usage. Cambridge University Press.
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Freedman G., Williams K.D. & Beer J.S. (2016). Softening the blow of social exclusion: the responsive theory of social exclusion. Frontiers in Psychology, 10(7), 1570. doi:10.3389/ fpsyg.2016.01570.
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You Y., Yang X., Wang L. & Deng X. (2020). When and Why saying “Thank You” Is better Than saying “sorry” in Redressing service Failures: The Role of self-Esteem. Journal of Marketing, 84(2), 133–150.
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«Привет!» (голл.) – Примеч. ред.