‘Get undressed,’ said Will, walking to the corner of the cabin, where the short length of hose pipe was attached to the tap. Picking the slimy soap off the floor, he began to wash his genitalia.
‘That thing you said to Noli, in the kitchen,’ said Robin, raising her voice over the splattering of water on the wooden floor, ‘it made me th—’
‘Forget that!’ said Will, looking over his shoulder at her. ‘That’s why I had to go in the box. I shouldn’t have said it. If you’re going to talk about that, I’m leaving,’
He towelled himself off with a mouldy-looking towel, sat back down on the grubby bed and began to masturbate in an effort to achieve an erection.
‘Will, stop,’ said Robin, looking away from him. ‘Please stop.’
He did so, but not because of Robin. Something that sounded like a lawnmower had roared into life just outside the cabin. Robin crossed to the gap in the curtains and saw Amandeep mowing out there, an expression of grim determination on his face.
‘Who is it?’ said Will, from behind her.
‘Amandeep,’ said Robin. ‘Mowing the grass.’
‘That’s because you’re on a Mark Three,’ said Will. ‘He’s making sure you stay in here. Get undressed.’ He’d recommenced masturbating. ‘Take your clothes off, we’re supposed to be done in twenty minutes.’
‘Please stop doing that,’ Robin implored him. ‘Please. I just wanted to talk to you.’
‘Get undressed,’ he repeated, his hand still working furiously.
‘Will, that thing you said—’
‘Forget what I said,’ he retorted angrily, still struggling to achieve an erection. ‘It was false self, I didn’t mean it!’
‘Why did you say it at all, then?’
‘I was… I don’t like Seymour, that’s all. She shouldn’t be a Principal. She’s a BP. She doesn’t understand doctrine.’
‘But what you said makes sense,’ said Robin, ‘there is a contradiction between—’
‘“Human knowledge is finite,”’ said Will, ‘“divine truth is infinite.” The Answer, chapter eleven.’
‘D’you believe everything the church says? All of it?’ asked Robin, forcing herself to turn and face him, his semi-erect penis in his hand.
‘“Persistent refusal to merge the self with the collective reveals ongoing egomotivity.” The Answer, chapter five.’
The motor of the lawnmower continued to roar right beside the glass doors.
‘For God’s sake,’ said Robin, trapped between Amandeep and the masturbating Will, ‘you’re really intelligent, why are you afraid of thinking, why d’you just keep quoting?’
‘“Materialist thought patterns are entrenched at a young age. Breaking those patterns requires, in the first instance, the focusing of the mind on essential truths through repetition and meditation.” The Answer, chap—’
‘So you’ve voluntarily brainwashed yourself?’
‘Get undressed!’
Will stood up, towering over her, his hand still working to maintain his erection. ‘It’s a sin to come in here for anything other than spirit bonding!’
‘If you force me to have sex with you,’ said Robin in a low voice, ‘it’ll be rape, and how will the UHC like being hit with a lawsuit?’
The lawnmower outside banged against the far wall of the cabin. Will’s hand stopped moving. He stood in front of her, painfully thin, still holding his penis.
‘Where have they taken Lin?’ Robin asked, determined to break through to him.
‘Somewhere safe,’ he said, before adding angrily, ‘but that’s nothing to do with you.’
‘So I’m to merge myself with the collective by not thinking, and having sex with anyone who wants it, but I’m not allowed to be worried about a fellow church member, is that what you’re saying?’
‘You need to shut up,’ said Will furiously, ‘because I know things about you. You were in the woods at night, with a torch.’
‘No, I wasn’t,’ said Robin automatically.
‘Yeah, you were. I didn’t say anything, to protect Lin, but it can’t hurt her now.’
‘Why did you want to protect Lin? That’s materialist possession, caring about one person more than everyone else. Is it because she’s the mother of your child? Because Qing belongs to everyone in the church, not just—’
‘Shut up,’ said Will, and he raised his hand threateningly. ‘Shut the fuck up.’
‘No quotations for any of that?’ asked Robin, still angrier than she was scared. ‘You haven’t told anyone I had a torch in all the days since Lin’s been gone. Why didn’t you report me?’
‘Because they’ll say I should have done it sooner!’
‘Or did you secretly like thinking someone was wandering around with a torch at night?’
‘Why would I?’
‘You could have refused to come with me to the Retreat R—’
‘No, I couldn’t, you’ve got to go when you’re asked—’
‘I think you’re having doubts about the church.’
Will’s eyes narrowed. He let go of his penis and backed away several steps.
‘Did my father send you here?’
‘Why would you think that?’
‘He’s done it before. He sent a man to spy on me.’
‘I’m not a spy.’
Will snatched his pants and tracksuit bottoms off the floor and began to pull them on. Certain he was going to walk out and immediately reveal the conversation, Robin, now planning to make a break for the woods the moment she left the cabin, said,
‘What if I told you your family sent me?’
Will was now jumping on the spot as he pulled up his tracksuit bottoms.
‘I’m going to Papa J, right now,’ he said furiously. ‘I’m going to tell him—’
‘Will, your family loves you—’
‘They hate me,’ he spat at her. ‘Especially my father.’
‘That isn’t true!’
Will bent to grab his sweatshirt, his face suffused with angry colour.
‘My moth—Sally loves me. He doesn’t. He writes me lies, trying to force me to abandon the church.’
‘What lies does he write you?’
‘He pretended Mu—Sally was ill. I didn’t care, particularly,’ Will added savagely, pulling his top back on. ‘She’s no more to me now than you are. I’m not her flesh object. Anyway, she always sticks up for my—for Colin. But M—Sally wasn’t ill. She’s fine.’
‘How do you know that?’ said Robin.
‘I just know.’
‘Will,’ said Robin, ‘your mother’s dead. She died in January.’
Will froze. Outside, the lawnmower whined as Amandeep cut the power. Evidently he was counting down their twenty minutes. After what felt like a very long pause, Will said quietly,
‘You’re lying.’
‘I really wish I was,’ whispered Robin, ‘but I’m n—’
A rush of wild movement, the thump of bare feet of wood: Robin flung up her arms too late, and Will’s punch hit her squarely on the side of her face and with a scream of pain and shock she fell sideways, hitting the wall before landing hard on the floor.
Through a haze of pain she heard the glass door slide open and the curtains being tugged back.
‘What happened?’ said Amandeep.
Will said something Robin didn’t catch through the ringing in her ears. Her panic was nothing compared to the sharp, pulsing pain in her jaw, which was such that she wondered if it was fractured.
Hands hoisted her roughly up onto the bed.
‘… tripped?’
‘Yeah, and hit her face on the wall. Didn’t you?’ Will barked at Robin.
‘Yes,’ she said, unable to tell whether she was speaking too loudly. Black spots were popping in front of her eyes.
‘Had you finished?’ asked Amandeep.
‘Yeah, of course. Why d’you think she’s dressed?’
‘Where were you both, before bonding?’
‘Laundry,’ said Will.
‘I’ll go back now,’ said Robin.
She got shakily to her feet, careful not to look at Will. She’d run for it the second she could: off to the five-bar gate and across the field to the perimeter.
‘I’ll take you both back to the laundry,’ said Amandeep.
Robin’s head was swimming with pain and panic. She massaged her jaw, which she could feel swelling rapidly.
‘We can go on our own,’ she said.
‘No,’ said Amandeep, taking a firm hold of Robin’s wrist. ‘You’ve both been judged to need more spiritual support.’
77
Six at the top…
Bound with cords and ropes,
Shut in between thorn-hedged prison walls…
Misfortune.
The I Ching or Book of Changes
After a further three hours in the laundry, during which nobody commented on her increasingly swollen face, Robin was escorted to temple for a meditation session led by Becca. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Will peel away from the rest of the group and march towards the farmhouse, omitting even to kneel at Daiyu’s fountain. Panic-stricken, Robin knelt obediently on the hard temple floor, her lips forming the words of the chant, her mind fixed solely on escape. Perhaps, she thought, she could slip away into some shadowy recess of the temple at the end of the session, lurk until the others had left, then make a break for the blind spot at the perimeter. She’d run across country, find a call box – anything but spend another night at Chapman Farm.
However, at the end of the chanting session, Becca, who’d been leading the meditation from the raised pentagonal stage that hid the baptismal pool, descended before Robin had any chance of implementing this risky plan and walked directly up to her, while everyone else filed out of the temple for the dining hall.
‘Have you had an accident, Rowena?’
‘Yes,’ said Robin. It hurt to talk; the pain from her jaw radiated up into her temple. ‘I slipped and fell.’
‘Where did that happen?’
‘In the Retreat Room.’
‘Who were you in the Retreat Room with?’ demanded Becca.
‘Will Edensor,’ said Robin.
‘Did Will suggest spirit bonding, or did you?’
‘I did,’ said Robin, because she knew laundry workers had witnessed her approaching Will.
‘I see,’ said Becca. Before she could ask anything else, a figure appeared silhouetted in the temple doorway and Robin, her heart rate now tripling, saw Jonathan Wace in his silk pyj